I half-fill these days
with hospital visits
trifling chores and
purposeless walks
that fail to calm the chaos
in my mind.

At our accustomed hour
I crawl dutifully into bed
only to lie awake
staring through the window
at the waning Moon
her innocent light
marking your absence
on the empty pillow beside me.

The room is heavy with loss
that will never leave
even once you return
   - and you will, I am sure -
sorrow to become our third
as we cede her her space.

I opened my heart to you
   - decades ago -
seeking sweet deliverance
knowing I'd lose you anyway
a thousand years from then.
But not now

not so soon.